‘Gutfeld!’ on reliance on Russia’s oil production

This is a rush transcript from “Gutfeld!,” March 16, 2022. This copy may not be in its final form and may be updated.

LAURA INGRAHAM, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): All made in the USA. All for Samaritan’s Purse this month, and they’re doing a lot of wonderful work in Ukraine, supporting the orphans there, and especially the refugees in real trouble.

So, please go to the web site, Lauraingraham.com. Remember, it’s American now and forever. GUTFELD next, a live report first,

JONATHAN HUNT, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CHIEF CORRESPONDENT (on camera): This is a Fox News “ALERT”. I’m Jonathan Hunt, live in Lviv, Ukraine.

Russian forces once again targeting civilians in hard hit Mariupol in the south.

HUNT (voice-over): A theatre where hundreds of people were sheltering was destroyed by what Mariupol officials call, a Russian air strike.

A statement from Ukraine’s foreign ministry says many people are buried in the rubble, but there’s no word immediately on casualty.

Satellite imagery from Maxar space technology shows the word, children, written in large white letters in Russian in front and behind the theatre.

President Zelenskyy of Ukraine says he is heartbroken by what the Russians are doing to the people of his country. That statement coming after the theatre attack.

And Russian forces have reportedly taken hundreds hostage at a nearby hospital. They’re now using it as a firing position. It’s the same hospital where a maternity ward was damaged last week.

One doctor there says he’s near the breaking point after treating the injured and dying children.

In central Kyiv, a 12-storey apartment building erupted in flames after being hit by shrapnel. People in the capital city have been huddling in their homes and shelters during a 35-hour curfew that’s ending this morning.

Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy getting a standing ovation as he went before the U.S. Congress, once again pleading for help from America and for the U.S. and NATO to create a no fly zone.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

VOLODYMYR ZELENSKYY, PRESIDENT OF UKRAINE (through translator): And we are asking for a reply for an answer to this terror from the whole world. Is there’s a lot to ask for? To create a no fly zone over Ukraine to save people. Is this too much to ask?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

HUNT: The White House still not agreeing to a no-fly zone. I’m —

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST (on camera): Well, hello there. Welcome back. For the good news. Our very own Benjamin Hall is out of Ukraine and I hear is in good spirits after being seriously injured. We’re all very relieved to finally hear some good news.

And finally, Ben and I have something in common. We both suffer. He’s in a hospital with strangers. And I have my mother in law living with me.

Relax freaks, it’s a joke. Now, the last time I talked to him, we plan to get drunk when he’s back in NYC, and I’m holding him to it. Mainly because he has a British accent, a perfect hairline, and a charming demeanor.

I’m just going to tell everyone he’s in one direction, and hope I get the leftovers.

It’s disgusting.

So, as we are on the brink of World War, what are the media geniuses obsessing over? Well, did you see The Atlantic magazines take on Ukraine? The headline “On top of everything else, nuclear war would be a climate problem.”

Yes, that’s the priority. A country gets vaporized, but it’s also one degree warmer for the shell shock survivors. And God help them. If you’re a radioactive zombie, you might forget to sort your recycling on trash day. Or worse, the fallout would cover the co-exist sticker on your Prius.

Try applying that logic elsewhere. Sure, you might get terminal cancer, but imagine what that does to your tennis elbow. But if only it was the media that was this myopic, the House Dems want Biden to declare a national climate emergency.

And why not? Climate emergency is the left’s second favorite freak out, when blaming everything on racism wants to take the night off. And the goal, to ban oil drilling on federal lands. It’s more proof the left are in lockstep with what Putin wants. For us to be dependent on other countries like his for energy.

Personally, I think all this green talk is Russian propaganda. That’s right, lefties. It’s you who are Putin puppets, not me.

Speaking of, Putin actually claims he now wants reparations for Alaska. And I say, why not? How about 40 acres, and Joy Behar. Now, the Dems are also calling to end fossil fuel subsidies.

I’m for that if by fossil fuels, they mean the five bottles of Ensure that Joe drinks a day. Of course, how does that help the average American?

Well, it doesn’t, and that’s the point. It’s part of the ideology of punishment, which is not just the name of my favorite club downtown. I have my own whip locker.

But it’s also how the left views policy. They don’t mind high gas prices, they want them to punish us for being greedy capitalists. If I sound like AOC right now, that’s the point too.

Our energy policies are being shaped by someone who should be making banana daiquiris at Applebee’s.

This also is why they denied the crime wave and let violent thugs off scot free, to punish us for 400 years of oppression. Apparently, elderly Asian women must have owned slaves too.

They also lauded riots as protest. That’s punishment for your uncaring economic system. Let us have free stuff or die. And of course, you should wear masks indefinitely, they say, because you deserve it. Not about safety, it’s about punishment.

Otherwise, they’d wear masks to with their award shows and gala events. But really, it’s because they can’t stand to see a smile, hear you speak or know that you’re breathing freely without their permission.

It’s the new ideology, morphing politics into morality becoming a new religion, in which there’s no forgiveness, only confession, followed by penance. Bless me father, for I have sinned. I just filled my Ford F-150 with unleaded. OK, son. Your pennants, say five hail Gretas and retrofit your house with solar panels.

And since everything the left wants is based on punishing you, it’s OK if it helps our adversaries. Let’s take Russia who duped Europe into depending on their energy by funding rabid environmental groups.

As we start to shun Russian oil, we’re now finding out that they actually funded green groups that crapped on non-Russian fuels. They were using disinformation within green groups to steer countries away from fracking and shale gas in favor of their imported Russian gas.

It’s the equivalent of shutting down rehab clinics to addicts would go back to their old ways. That all make so much sense now, doesn’t it? Of course, you need to be a sucker to get sucked

We had leaders who took — that came out in a weird way.

But we had leaders who took environmental advice from a brat like Greta Thunberg and a president who dreamed of sniffing her hair. That’s because the ideology of punishment means punishing our industry by bolstering there’s because we are the oppressor.

So, now, it did see President blames Putin for rising prices, when it was him and his stupid party all along. Fact is it takes months to affect oil and gas prices. What we’re seeing now is the direct result of Joe Biden’s anti industry policies from the moment he first soiled the Oval Office carpets.

Sadly, Russia and China knew what an easy mark our virtue signaling White House was. They were happily playing chess, while our bozos got lost in the ice cream slopes of Candy land.

ANNOUNCER: Period!

GUTFELD: Let’s welcome tonight’s guess. He is so British, tea has him for breakfast. Author and political commentator Douglas Murray.

And he dresses for the job he wants — sailboat Captain. Radio and podcast host Buck Sexton.

She is so wiry, you want to hang clothes on her. Fox News contributor Kat Timf.

And he’s always picked last for the seesaw. My massive side-kick and the NWA World Television Champion Tyrus.

So, Buck, good to see you as always.

BUCK SEXTON, RADIO AND PODCAST HOST: Thank you, sir.

GUTFELD: I lie. But I am curious — I am really curious about what you think because we haven’t talked since this invasion. I was curious about what you thought of Zelenskyy speech this morning. I’m just curious to how you view what is going on? Are we being pulled into a war? Should we be part of this?

I feel like we are being pulled in, and now, I feel like after the suit that speech, you know, we have to help the guy. But what do you think?

SEXTON: It does feel like the trajectory has been moving toward greater U.S. involvement pretty quickly.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SEXTON: It was just a few weeks ago, where I think you would have had bipartisan — near bipartisan consensus that this is not our war, we’ve learned after 20 years of Mideast and South Asian intervention, that we want to stay out of things, especially where we don’t have a clear strategic objective.

Now, in this point, the objective would obviously be to stop the Russians. But the not our war thing still very much applies.

I’ve heard more and more about a no-fly zone. Last week than I did this week, I think people actually figured out what a no-fly zone would entail.

GUTFELD: Right.

SEXTON: Which was important, and I’m glad that that now has been established. It means you have to shoot Russian planes out of the sky, Russian surface-to-air missiles, including on Russian soil because the S- 500 can go about three or 400 miles, they didn’t really know.

You’d have to do a whole lot of blowing up things that Vladimir Putin would be very upset about. And he does have 1000s of nukes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SEXTON: So, we’re giving a lot of weapons, which I think is the right thing. We’re giving humanitarian assistance, which is the right thing. I hopefully hold the line on not actually doing the fighting ourselves, but I’m not 100 percent sure we won’t. We will, actually. I’m hoping.

GUTFELD: Yes. I had an idea for a store that only sold boxer briefs called no-fly zone.

Douglas, England invaded a lot of countries, admit it.

DOUGLAS MURRAY, BRITISH AUTHOR AND POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: When?

GUTFELD: I don’t know. Well, what is your take on this? As a Britain America, what do you — how do you feel about this?

MURRAY: I agree with Buck.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: I mean I think that there is a sort of obvious thing — there are things we can do. There’s an obvious thing we just got to make sure we don’t do.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: Spark World War III.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURRAY: But yes. I mean, it’s a — it’s a tricky time because we seem to have been lurching from disaster to disaster in the last few years.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: We sort of — to such an extent that people have forgotten. I mean, we thank God the one good thing that happened when Vladimir Putin invaded Ukraine was we got rid of Tony Fauci.

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE)

MURRAY: He just — he just disappeared.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: We haven’t seen from him since.

And the same thing in the U.K., the government’s advisory group on COVID, disbanded.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURRAY: So, like, it was almost as if we could cope with one massive event at a time.

So, before this, we had COVID. And then before COVID, we had —

GUTFELD: Trump.

MURRAY: We had Trump.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: We have racism.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: We had, you know, all that. So, we had Russia collusion, of course. And as you referred to in your opening monologue, actually, there has been Russian collusion in recent years. And it’s one that nobody bothered to talk about, particularly not on the left, which was Russia funding all these green movements and others to persuade countries like my country of birth, not to frack.

In fact, this week, as Boris Johnson is going around in the Middle East, persuading all these charming regimes to pump more oil, they are filling in the two sites in the U.K., which they explored for fracking and filling them with cement.

So, like, none of it makes sense. It only happened because the Russians helped to terrify us through the green lobby, that fracking was this incredibly dangerous thing that would cause earthquakes and tsunamis, rather than as most of the time a rumble that’s no bigger than an average freight lorry.

BAIER: It is amazing because you think about — Tyrus, like for like, the past 10 years, all the stuff, all the documentaries, all the Hollywood celebrities, all the stuff about fracking might have all been driven by Russia, or at least paying for that.

MURRAY (voice-over): Yes.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Because when they get the script, they never asked who wrote it.

MURRAY: Right.

TYRUS: It sounds good. I mean, the uncomfortable truth. And then the latest thing where a nuclear war is going to be bad for the climate. You think?

It’s not —

MURRAY: Yes.

TYRUS: This — it’s designed to wipe out all life scorched earth.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: The good news is for the woke is that once the giant cloud of death fills over the sky, the Earth will cool two degrees. So, it will be a little bit cooler in the ash filled world we’re walking around in with no water, you can drink a food, but we will be cooler.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: So, yes they’re right, it will be bad for the environment. And everyone within seven miles of it at first, and then everyone within 400 miles of it, because radiation tends to grow.

So, it’s just — yes, they got it right. They just not even close on getting it right.

GUTFELD: I just hope that like if there is a catastrophic climate change and nuclear war that they cancel each other out. Right?

TYRUS: Well, they’re both getting un-followed by me on Twitter.

KATHERINE TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR (voice-over): Yes, yes.

TYRUS: 100 percent that’s going to happen.

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: You know what? I’m going to make climate change my avatar, just as — just to show that I’m involved.

TYRUS: I’m in it with you.

GUTFELD: Thank you so much. Hashtag —

TYRUS: I’m with tree.

GUTFELD: #We don’t like bad things.

TYRUS: I’ll be the tree, and you can be a little squirrel.

TIMPF: Yes.

TYRUS: You give me the acorn.

GUTFELD: Oh, you know, I like the nuts.

TYRUS: OK. Well, I did it to myself. Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes, you walk into it.

TYRUS: You suppose to walk in.

GUTFELD: You walk —

TYRUS: I have my shot.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Kat, did you — I want you to talk a little bit about this kind of secret agenda that Russia did with the environment. But first, what did, did you watch Zelenskyy? Did you catch it at all this morning?

TIMPF: Yes, I watched some of it for sure.

GUTFELD: Did it move the needle? And you know what needle I’m talking about?

TIMPF: Oh, not the ones — not the ones I inject myself with.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: When I’m doing drugs on the street all day, except for when I’m sitting right here. I get them confused because I’m glad you said that. I do, do so many intravenous drugs.

GUTFELD: Do not put words in my mouth. But you weren’t thinking what I was thinking?

TIMPF: No. I mean, look, I think that, you know, he presented a great case, but again, it is so important that we don’t start World War III. And I think, I agree with Buck that it’s so great that people do understand what no-fly zone means now, because a lot of the polling revealed that saying every people — all these people were for no-fly zone, but they say oh, that, that actually involves us having to like shoot down Russians. They like, oh, I don’t want that. Well, that’s what that is.

So, I think, it’s really important obviously to make sure that we don’t get involved in something like that. Especially it’s like we ended Afghanistan or that’s over. So, now, we just send all this troops somewhere else. It’s pretty awful.

GUTFELD: It is weird, there is like this spectrum, OK? On, let’s say, one to 10 spectrum here.

On this side you have Iraq, and on this side you have World War II. And you’re watching the kind of the — your heart says this is like World War II, but your mind says, what if it’s Iraq?

Like, you know we went into Iraq, talking about democracy and we — up.

TIMPF: Yes.

MURRAY: So, that’s what everyone’s wanted by everyone’s wanted by the fact that America hasn’t won a war in a quarter of a century

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And that we worry, you know, what if we go in again?

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: But I agree with what Kat just said, by the way. I mean, did you see this? There was a great thing that happened at the Guggenheim, which is where I always look to for foreign policy (INAUDIBLE)

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Me too.

MURRAY: A collective of artists took over the Guggenheim, the other day. And through paper airplanes.

GUTFELD: I saw that.

MURRAY: Because they said they were for a no-fly zone.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And the great thing about this is that these — if they get their way and then World War III starts, I reckon those same artists will be saying, stop the war.

TIMPF: Stop the war.

MURRAY: Stop the war we started.

TYRUS: You have to understand they thought safe space was like no-fly zone.

MURRAY: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: See?

MURRAY: Yes.

TYRUS: That was the confusion. They just thought they just drew a little line around Ukraine.

SEXTON: Or the librarian says you’re to no-talking zone.

GUTFELD: So yes.

TYRUS: Yes.

SEXTON: It’s not like you just get your wave your hand in the Russian plane.

MURRAY: But in this one, you get a mushroom cloud.

SEXTON: Yes.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: It’s so — it’s so interesting to think that maybe people didn’t understand that they thought no-fly zone was like an agreement that you make.

TYRUS: TikTok hasn’t explained it yet. We got to wait. Stay tuned.

GUTFELD: We need it. We need it. We need an influencer.

TIMPF: I need a — I need a teenager to tell me what’s going on.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes. Who doesn’t?

TYRUS: Me.

GUTFELD: Me. Me too.

All right. Up next, even the left doesn’t want Biden anymore come 2024.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Hello. Well, most of us, say amen, when Biden doesn’t run again. The answers in surveys that we’re giving, say Joe’s next home will be assisted living.

That’s according to a new Wall Street Journal poll owned by our parent company, Motley Crew (PH). 52 percent of Americans said they don’t think Biden will seek reelection in 2024. Just 29 percent said they think he will. And the remaining 19 percent said, leave me alone, you’re not my real dad.

Meanwhile, the media is mourning that the popularity of Mr. Zelenskyy isn’t transferring to Biden in the polls.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: President Biden’s not getting a Zelenskyy bounce. So, when you look at the polling, it’s kind of fascinating. We’re going to put some numbers from navigator on the screen.

Biden’s wartime policies are popular, but he’s not getting the credit for them. I mean, the — it’s fascinating to me the way these numbers have shaken out. Why doesn’t Joe Biden get credit for doing the thing — the popular things Joe Biden does?

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: What? So, Joe didn’t get a Zelenskyy bounce? For what exactly? Why he should — Biden get credit for a war he didn’t prevent? That’s like me taking credit for Jesse’s new hairpiece.

True, it looks — it looks good, but it’s not really something to be proud of.

TYRUS: Oh, blooded. I know. Meanwhile, Dem midterm campaign chief, Sean Patrick Maloney, definitely not Irish. I mean, Sean Patrick Maloney, we get it. As he address why they’re having trouble relating to voters. “They think that we’re divisive and too focused on cultural issues. They think that we’re preachy. They think that we act like we know better than parents when it comes to their kids in schools. The problem is not the voters. The problem is us.”

Now, I applaud Maloney for this as accountability these days is, it’s rare than someone who’s never heard of me.

I wonder what Joe thinks.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

TOM SHILLUE, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Yes, yes, yes. Look, come on. People ask the same questions over and over again. Are you going to run for election? I thought I’d run If I’m healthy. I know I wouldn’t be healthy. I feel good. I keep getting those boosters. I like them. They make your arm sore for a couple of days. That’s about it. I shouldn’t even say that. They’re going to get in trouble.

Look, look, I’m old, all right? I’m old. I understand. But who isn’t? Everybody is old. Wait, who are you going to get? Trump? Hillary? Bernie? They’re all old.

I don’t know why they keep electing these old people. I mean, look at Congress. Did you see the State of the Union? Look like the movie, Cocoon.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: Douglas, when that guy Maloney, said that he called out his own party. I think it’s great that he does that. But at the same time, it takes Democrats who look at polls, not people. You know what it mean?

MURRAY: Right.

GUTFELD: It’s like, everybody could say that there’s a crime problem, there’s a border problem, there is an inflation problem, but they have to wait for the polling to decide it’s a problem.

MURRAY: Yes. And they’ve got — they’ve got a president problem.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: I mean, that’s the biggest one. Everyone has been mugging up on the Soviet history in recent days. And I was reminded of remember before Gorbachev came in, there were these — it was Andropov. And another one Chenevsky (PH), who would actually —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: He was ill the whole time he was president.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And they actually took him to the polls when he was basically dead.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And sort of made him vote.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And even some of the Russian public thought, this is — there’s something up.

SEXTON: Yeltsin was drunk the whole time.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: Yes, yes, yes. And so, that was also a bad —

SEXTON: — some kind of a Russian tradition.

MURRAY: That was also a bad sign.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes.

MURRAY: But being dead was worse.

TYRUS: Yes, and I concur.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And yes, I think so that the Democrats seem to be wanting to aspire to this kind of state.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: But no one think — no one thinks Biden’s going to run in the next —

GUTFELD: No, I don’t — I can’t. Even — I can’t see him. I know. I know what you’re thinking, Tyrus.

TYRUS: What?

GUTFELD: You think this is — it’s going to be — it’s going to be the lady. The lady in the pants suit.

TYRUS: Yes, but he is 100 percent going to run again. Of course, he is —

(CROSSTALK)

MURRAY: No.

GUTFELD: How can you say that?

TYRUS: Come on. Why wouldn’t he? He was — this time?

SEXTON: Yes, yes. Yes, I’m with you. He’s running again.

TYRUS: He’s going to run. But (INAUDIBLE). But what (INAUDIBLE) he has a legitimate that they were — the guy who was heartbroken about not getting the bounce.

Let’s look at the tail of the tape.

GUTFELD: OK.

TYRUS: One guy standing tall in a war zone, refuses to leave and stands by his people.

The other guy won’t even answer question at a press conference because he’s tired.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: Yes.

TYRUS: What? Are you shocked? No, I’m 100 percent he’s going to run. He’s going to — it doesn’t matter. They have — who else they’ve got? There’ll be Hillary and him going at it.

GUTFELD: A terrible image.

TYRUS: Yes, but that’s what well, in a — in a debate.

GUTFELD: Thank you.

TYRUS: In a debate.

MURRAY: Yes.

GUTFELD: It’s still there. I (INAUDIBLE) the image.

TYRUS: You just — you know what? But that’s just you give for the acorn thing. So, now we’re even.

GUTFELD: OK.

TYRUS: But yes, he’s going to — of course, he’s going to run. He has no choice.

SEXTON: Yes, it’s what —

TYRUS: He’s it’s got to fix it. Right?

SEXTON: What’s going to work for them?

TYRUS: Yes.

SEXTON: I mean, they were — I was wrong about this. There were a lot of people, I remember some folks here in the building early on in the Dem primary were like, I mean, it can’t be Biden, because that guy should be out in the park with like a blanket over his knees feeding the squirrels, and you know, talking to the grid. And then they made him president, right?

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Yes.

SEXTON: They have a hole in the basement thing. So, whatever will allow them the highest percentage chance of winning. It is not Kamala, to your point about the polls.

GUTFELD: Right.

SEXTON: Everybody understands that Kamala Harris — to the Democrat base. Never mind what Republicans think of her.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SEXTON: She is not a viable option.

I do think Hillary is kind of —

TYRUS: Hillary cry.

SEXTON: She’s always lurking in the background.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: She’s crying. When she cry, she (INAUDIBLE).

SEXTON: She says she is doing yoga and drinking wine, but she is actually in the background wondering about this. I think bide runs again, and then doesn’t finish the second term, and steps down for health reasons, which is normal when you’re in your early 80s.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

MURRAY: Does anyone have the mental fortitude for another Clinton-Trump race?

GUTFELD: Oh, man.

MURRAY: Just — I —

(CROSSTALK)

TIMPF: I just going to say, she, a horrible person to drink wine with.

MURRAY: Yes, sure.

TIMPF: She just yell, probably.

GUTFELD: She should cry, should do it — should she be a crying drunk?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: I know a few of those, Kat. When you’re —

TIMPF: There’s a one time.

GUTFELD: Yes, it was one time that took — lasted for days.

What do — who do — who do you think — do you think Joe is going to run? If not, who?

TIMPF: That’s —

(CROSSTALK)

GUTFELD: It’s only two years away, Kat.

TIMPF: That’s the problem. But again, it’s 20 — only 29 percent of people said they’re sure yes, he’s going to run.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: There’s a lot of people we’re also not sure. And he’s repeatedly said, yes, I’m going to run, which I think the bigger issue is, when he talks and he says stuff, most Americans are kind of just like, OK, OK.

GUTFELD: (INAUDIBLE).

TIMPF: All right, whatever, sure. Nobody takes him seriously.

MURRAY: Remember, he did say the other day that Putin had just invaded Russia.

GUTFELD: Yes. Yes, he did —

(CROSSTALK)

MURRAY: And that’s kind of a normal day.

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: TYRUS: (INAUDIBLE) people were in a big trouble.

SEXTON: That’s what we call disinformation. Just trying to keep the enemy off balance.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly. Yes.

TYRUS: Yes, it was poor Iranians.

GUTFELD: Yes, yes. They were — there — who were —

(CROSSTALK)

TYRUS: That was him and Geraldo.

GUTFELD: Exactly, Geraldo. Yes, yes, yes.

I think that the viewers at home should invent, go on urban dictionary and create a meaning for Zelenskyy bounce. It’s got to be some kind of weird euphemism.

TYRUS: And whatever the opposite of it is would be Biden bounce.

GUTFELD: Yes, exactly.

All right. Or don’t do that. It’s late. Relax, have a hot toddy. Look at my face.

Up next, does Congress have a better task than forcing us to wear a mask?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

JONATHAN HUNT, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CORRESPONDENT: This is a Fox News Alert. I’m Jonathan Hunt live in Lviv, Ukraine. Russian forces once again targeting civilians in hard hit Mariupol. A Russian airstrike hit a theater, the building sheltering hundreds of people. It’s believed people are buried but no word yet on casualties. Ukraine’s President Volodymyr Zelenskyy, reacting to the constant assault saying “my heart is broken because of what Russia does with our people.”

In central Kyiv, a 12-storey apartment building erupted in flames after being struck. People in the capital city have been huddling indoors during a 35-hour curfew set to expire shortly. President Zelenskyy getting a standing ovation as he went before the U.S. Congress. He again pleaded for a no-fly zone. The White House is still opposed, but in his shop is condemnation of Vladimir Putin today, President Biden called The Russian leader at war criminal. I’m Jonathan Hunt his —

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GREG GUTFELD, FOX NEWS CHANNEL HOST: Hello, a man named Rand tried to get mask mandates banned. On Tuesday, the Senate passed Rand Paul’s resolution that would ban Biden’s mask mandates on public transport, which is great news, especially in New York, where now we only have to worry about getting stabbed.

Eight Dems voted with the GOP. But Mitt Romney was the only Republican who voted against it. Because as it turns out, he’s a jerk. Resolution most likely won’t pass the House. And even if it does, Biden has threatened to veto it. And you better take his threat seriously, or you’ll end up like corn pop.

So, masks will still be mandatory on planes until at least April 18th, which means at least it will hide my post-spring break cold sores. Oh, I hate those, Kat, all over the face, you know?

KAT TIMPF, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: No, I don’t.

GUTFELD: Right. What’s with Mitt? Why is he not — this is like, what is going on? Why did he, why wouldn’t he sign that? What’s his problem?

TIMPF: Because like, with all the Trump’s stuff for a little bit, he had some Democrats liking him.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: And he never knew what that felt like. He’s like a conservative guy. He’s a Mormon.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: He never had Democrats and Liberals say a nice stuff about him. So, he, again, being a Mormon, probably he doesn’t have a lot of thrills, right. He doesn’t even like drink coffee or anything.

GUTFELD: Got a lot of kids.

TIMPF: Yes, yes, just having kids.

GUTFELD: That’s fun.

TYRUS, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: Not exclusive to the Mormon.

TIMPF: I guess. The biggest thrill is having kids. So, he, he got addicted to that. So, like now, he’s like, I can’t be, you know, admit that the mask thing sucks. Because then you know, they won’t like me anymore.

GUTFELD: Do you know what you’re talking about? And it’s brilliant insight, that strange new respect award. It’s like when your enemies suddenly pay you a compliment, their compliment becomes more important than your own friends. You stop caring — it’s like you stopped caring about your family. And you’re more interested in like winning over some guy on Twitter.

BUCK SEXTON, FOX NEWS CHANNEL CONTRIBUTOR: He got a taste of this when he when he was with BLM. You remember this? Mitt Romney did the whole BLM March and he’s like, well, I’m here because I think that Black Lives Matter and everybody all of a sudden was: yes, Mitt really cares about the struggle of minority folks inside of cities all across the country. And all of a sudden, the left was nice to him for a day, to your point.

TIMPF: And he’s like, I like this.

SEXTON: I am, I don’t know that I’m an anti-masked zealot. I mean, I’ve been opposed to this for two solid years now. I’ve, I’ve been shouting this and I’ve been kicked off of social media platforms for saying this over and over again. Now, though, I think it’s important to understand, it’s not even you mask on planes. You mask up between bites on plane.

GUTFELD: Yes.

SEXTON: So, there’s no such thing as a study that they can ever point you because I’ve never done a control group study with masking intermittently, which is what the policy actually is. I was on the Amtrak last weekend. Sure enough, mask beneath the nose. Guy comes over, he’s going to need to pull your mask up. Hold up a cup of coffee. I’m drinking, sir. Oh, no problem. This is what the idiot lives have done to us. It is wrong. Fauci is the worst. I know he’s hiding in the couch cushions of the MSNBC greenroom but we need to put it before Congress and shout at him because the worst person in America and masking is idiotic and an intelligence test that millions of people fail, still.

GUTFELD: It’s amazing. And the person that actually told you to put the mask up was Joe Biden. Interesting side facts.

TIMPF: Big train guy.

GUTFELD: Big train guy. Loves —

TYRUS: Big train.

GUTFELD: Loves the train.

TYRUS: Choo-choo.

GUTFELD: Choo-choo. Well, he has trouble chewing.

TYRUS: Yes.

GUTFELD: Jealous. Where am I, Tyrus? Tyrus, you know what drives me crazy? There’s no —

TYRUS: Tall people with opinions.

GUTFELD: People with other — no, there is no science behind masking up on planes. That’s so — the air is circulated it’s purified. It’s not a place.

TYRUS: All that makes sense, but I got to be honest with you, Greg. I went on a little excursion during our time off.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And this mask mandate situation, the airplanes, I never would have known how clever and slick my 7-year-old is. We’re getting ready to board the plane, her mask keeps falling off because they’re too big for her. She says, daddy, give me your drink. We I went to Subway and got — I said, what? Are you thirsty? She’s like, yes — she kept the straw in her mouth and kept slurping.

We’ve walked, checked our tickets, she looked at the attendant, show the receipt, and they wouldn’t say anything to her. Planes taking off. She didn’t wear the mask the entire thing and kept looking at me going, should’ve kept your cup. Brilliant. I wasted I almost got cavities with lollipops, trying to keep the mask off. All I had to do with an empty cup and slurp every time a flight attendant —

GUTFELD: A straw.

TYRUS: That’s all it is. A straw. Who would’ve thought?

GUTFELD: All you need is a straw.

TYRUS: Straws are back, America.

SEXTON: And the CDC director would say, by the way, that she’s totally right, that that’s OK. Because as long as she’s actively drinking, fine, no problem, the virus stops.

DOUGLAS MURRAY, AUTHOR AND POLITICAL COMMENTATOR: But it’s worse in New York than almost anywhere. Here, we have the mask zealots in all the places that you just — for instance, you used to be a pay-in customer in theaters, and they wanted to give you a nice time. And now they’ve decided to give you the worst time possible. I wrote about this in your posts the other week, I went to Harry Potter, that was the scene as well.

GUTFELD: He does my gardening.

MURRAY: And I can’t recommend it to anyone because it was fantastic on stage, unbelievable the effects and all this sort of thing. But for three and a half hours, we were policed with the overprice beer. And they kept telling, telling us if we didn’t pull it up fast enough, told us we’d had a third warning. It was like, it was actually like being in Hogwarts, or it was like being in a boarding school. And we were told off all the time and anti-justice like, why would anyone want to do this?

GUTFELD: Will people relinquish the feeling that dopamine pleasure of exerting this power?

MURRAY: Yes.

GUTFELD: The usher, the flight attendant. Simply, I went to a record store that had been going to other day, now they’re doing mass mandates again in there, nobody else. And I’m like, going —

MURRAY: It’s a psychiatric disorder.

SEXTON: Right. This is an anxiety disorder, it’s an anxiety napkin for people. It was more about political affiliation. But now, it’s moved on to these people are actually emotionally broken.

MURRAY: And they have to be told to stop, they have to be made to stop.

SEXTON: I totally agree.

MURRAY: They’re not going to do it just by custom. It’s going to be theaters and like NPR offices and the few other places, we’ll just do it forever.

GUTFELD: Exactly. This is now going to be part of the identity; the liberal identity is that you also mask up all the time. Coming up, everyone wants more sun, so Congress is getting something done.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Both the left and the right, want more light. It’s true, the Senate unanimously approved a bill to make Daylight Savings Time permanent, and all around the country, car clocks rejoiced. Seriously, I haven’t seen something that unanimous from the Senate since they voted to give themselves raises.

Finally, it’s something we can all agree on besides Kilmeade having eyes too small for his face. It’s true. Apparently, The Squad supported the bill after realizing carjackers get an extra hour of daylight now. Marco Rubio first proposed the Sunshine Protection Act in 2019. And advocates for the bipartisan measure argue that less sunlight in the winter negatively impacts physical and mental health.

And if you doubt me, you should you should watch “The Shining.” Anyway, I hope this bill passes. And apparently, I’m not alone. Check out this ad I saw at 4:00 a.m. last night.

(BEGIN VIDEO CLIP)

UNIDENTIFIED MALE: Now that daylight savings time could become permanent, just think of all the things you can do with that extra hour of sunshine. You can do more coke in the park. More coke in your yard. More coke on your roof. More coke in your neighbor’s yard. On a mountain. Off a fountain. And more coke on the solar panels your wife installed without asking. Oh, and don’t forget to finish those seven screenplay ideas you got at the club. Yes, daylight saving kills (BLEEP) awesome.

(END VIDEO CLIP)

GUTFELD: You know, Kat, I don’t think that was a funny skit. Coke is addiction is a serious problem. But we’ll move on from there. Are you happy with daylight savings time going permanent?

TIMPF: Yes.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TIMPF: Yes. I love the sunlight. I know I don’t look like it, but I do love it. Because honestly, of all the bad things that have ever happened to me in my life, all of them happened while I was dark outside.

GUTFELD: That is so true. That is so true. And you work really hard to do bad things in the daytime.

TIMPF: Yes. No, I do, because there’s something about doing bad things in the daytime that makes it feel like it’s not that bad because it’s day time.

GUTFELD: That, exactly. I do —

TIMPF: And you can get to bed early, you’re — everything’s going to be OK.

GUTFELD: I kill all my drifters between 11:00 a.m. and 12:00 p.m. I don’t feel bad. I do it at night, I feel terribly guilty, Douglas, chopping them up and burying them at 3:00 a.m. makes me feel disgusting.

MURRAY: Don’t make me complicit in that.

GUTFELD: Oh, come on you drove last time. Are you for or against it?

MURRAY: It’s actually one of the very rare things I got almost no strong opinions about.

GUTFELD: Are you —

MURRAY: No, I know. But some people really do. Some people feel incredibly passionate about. I do have a suggestion.

GUTFELD: What?

MURRAY: Which is that we could negotiate between the two strong opinions and always change the clocks by 30 minutes instead?

GUTFELD: Oh my God!

MURRAY: Wouldn’t that be brilliant? It’d make everything a lot easier.

GUTFELD: That’s why we left wherever you’re from.

SEXTON: This is like the metric system coming back to Buck right here.

MURRAY: Yes. No, but you’d only be half an hour late for things. It’s sort of acceptable. An hour, that’s a problem.

GUTFELD: He’s angering me. This man with the eloquent speech. Tyrus, if this, if daylight savings time were in a pill, it would be the probably the most powerful anti-depressant on the planet, because I — you just feel better with the sun, no?

TYRUS: Really?

GUTFELD: No?

TYRUS: This is what it’s all about?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: This is it.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: This is what the Senate does?

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: All the (BLEEP) we got going on? And this was on the docket.

GUTFELD: Yes.

TYRUS: And the woman said yes. We’re in trouble. If you want more sunlight, get you ass up early. You — enough said.

SEXTON: Are we being saved the hassle though of changing the clocks?

GUTFELD: Yes.

SEXTON: Think of all. If you actually add it up all the time, people are going — God, I forgot that to go into the microwave.

TIMPF: Who had clock?

SEXTON: Very, very difficult.

TYRUS: OK. Yes. Thank you. You know what, Buck, last time, now, now you messed up with me, Buck. That’s a first world problem. We have enough. If I hear some of the, oh, I had to change the clock. It was so tiring. I mean, then, I had to reset my iPad — Oh no, wait, the Wi-Fi does it for me. Bad Buck. Bad Buck.

SEXTON: I have missed, I have missed many, many brunches because of this time change.

TYRUS: Boo this man.

SEXTON: This is, this is the reality of it. And I would just tell you this, we should all, we should all push back against the stupidity of being made to do stupid things. And this was dumb, it was done in the beginning it never should have happened in the first place. Don’t allow them to make you do things that are absolutely absurd. It’s like when they should tell you to put your Kindle away on the plane by the way because it might interfere with the communications.

TYRUS: Wait, you’re into Kindle?

TIMPF: Kindles.

SEXTON: Yes, I love my Kindle.

GUTFELD: Yes, keep it to yourself. You know, I obviously, I like the extra daylight because I get to do more charity work with the orphans. Yes, it’s really — they love going to the pork, the pork?

TYRUS: Guess what they’re eating?

GUTFELD: Yes. Oh my God. Up next, could you navigate a landing strip just by watching YouTube clips?

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: Is it really that insane to think that I can land a plane? Experts from a university in New Zealand — yes, it’s a real country — found that men were more confident than women in their ability to land a plane after watching a single how to YouTube video. You know, I used to feel the same way after watching open heart surgery videos on medical Web sites. But that’s a lot harder than it looks, just asked my Uncle Steve. You can’t. RIP Steve.

Now, although both sexes were overconfident men rated their confidence 12 points higher out of 100 than women did. You know, of course that’s math, so we already laughed last half the audience. A sexist might say. But it all makes sense. After all, if women were busy landing the plane who would bring me my treats and pretzels? Another sexist might say.

TYRUS: A meaner one.

GUTFELD: God, there are sexist everywhere, Tyrus. It’s the — this place is filled with them.

TYRUS: There’s also apparently racist to go with sexist because this is a white thing. We don’t leave our seats. We sit next emergency exit and try to time our way out. You guys — the front of the plane hits first. No brothers go into the front.

GUTFELD: Right.

TYRUS: So, we’ll let the, the, the data fine, like gee (INAUDIBLE), I’m going to go let — you go ahead bro. I’m going to stay back here with your wife and join myself before we all go out. So, it’s a no.

GUTFELD: but wait a minute, that doesn’t answer the question. I want to know —

TYRUS: I’m telling you, no black man in his right mind is going to volunteer to go to the front of the plane. Not happening. That is — you guys win. That’s yours. You can have that.

GUTFELD: All right. I never, I never saw that coming, and maybe, Buck, you know, you were saying that in the green room. That’s where he got it from. Now, I’m kidding. Isn’t landing a plane —

TYRUS: You got kicked off platforms before.

SEXTON: The plan just crashed, and I’m the only person on it.

GUTFELD: Is it landing plane no different than landing a plane on a computer? Let’s be honest.

SEXTON: I mean, I did play.

GUTFELD: It’s just buttons. You see all those buttons.

SEXTON: I played flight simulator back in the day. I feel like you know you get you airspeed, you figure it out. But you know, it’s — and I feel like the ladies are probably do better with this. Parallel parking the plane might be more difficult.

GUTFELD: Another sexist might say. You know, Douglas, I’m disgusted by the amount of sexism on display here. Thank God, you and I are both like straight as they come,

MURRAY: What an uncomfortable —

GUTFELD: You — it’s just that men are cockier?

MURRAY: I do understand this, this problem. Men are, men are prone to this, but then lost people — looking at it. Remember the Heimlich Maneuver, the one where you’re meant to grab somebody like just in a restaurant? Whenever anyone coughs everyone wants to Heimlich Maneuver them.

GUTFELD: Right.

MURRAY: Because that’s the one thing they know. It’s the same with — I read something years ago there was, there was a medical thing where everyone, they’re always tracheotomy.

GUTFELD: Tracheotomy.

MURRAY: Somebody gets like stung by a bee and then they ended they swell up, and they’re — a tracheotomy. Apparently, in — I remember in England, that ambulance people said beware: members of the public who don’t know what they’re talking about coming over and saying you’ve got to tracheotomy.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: Because they just seen it a lot on television.

GUTFELD: Exactly.

MURRAY: So, we do think we’re experts when we’ve just seen it on the box.

GUTFELD: Yes.

MURRAY: And best not to try to land a plane or tracheotomy.

GUTFELD: I used to volunteer to do CPR all the time. But you know, the sores. Kat, what do you think of this more sexism, more overconfident men, could you land a plane?

TIMPF: No. No.

GUTFELD: OK.

TIMPF: I also, like I do feel this way when I watch people do food challenges though.

GUTFELD: Right.

TIMPF: I’m like, I could eat an 800-ounce bowl of ramen. And I really think I can. Like if I don’t take my Vyvanse, I get really hungry. I could just not take my Vyvanse and eat 800 ounces of ramen.

SEXTON: I mean, also what kind of plate what kind of plane are we talking about? That should be. I don’t know if that was in it.

TYRUS: See, this is a guy —

SEXTON: I’m just trying to say. A single, single —

TIMPF: Looks like a guy that would say that.

SEXTON: Exactly.

MURRAY: Because there’s meant to be a button now just press and it lands automatically.

TYRUS: And then when it crashes —

SEXTON: If it’s like one of those prop planes.

TYRUS: I thought it was the another plane.

GUTFELD: Yes, and I bet you’ve got the beetles weren’t that great either.

TYRUS: Yes.

SEXTON: Oh, shots fired.

TIMPF: I think about that every time I look at you.

MURRAY: Sexist and anti-Beetles.

GUTFELD: Anti-Beetles.

TYRUS: And apparently stealing my black jokes.

MURRAY: It’s quite a catalogue of crime.

SEXTON: Are we going to a commercial soon?

GUTFELD: It’s almost over. Don’t go away. We’ll be right back.

(COMMERCIAL BREAK)

GUTFELD: We’re out of time. Thanks to Douglas Murray, Buck Sexton, Kat Timpf, Tyrus. “FOX NEWS @ NIGHT” with evil Mike Emanuel is next. I’m Greg Gutfeld. I love you, America. I really do.

END

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