But then again … see how silly that sounds? He’s three. He’s allowed to not like salmon, even if he loved it a year ago. He’ll probably come back around. I didn’t like mushrooms until I was in my 20s, and now I eat them all the time. These are the moments where you remind yourself that child-rearing is a process, not a checklist.
Mastering Restaurants
Let’s get something non-negotiable out of the way first, at least for our American readers (readers in countries that aren’t the most miserable manifestations of capitalism imaginable and actually pay restaurant workers a living wage, you can skip this paragraph): always tip your servers and bartenders at least 20%. I don’t care if 10% used to be customary; I don’t care if you feel like you got bad service; always tip your servers and bartenders 20%. Then, if you have a child younger than three with you at the restaurant, add $10 cash. Yes, I said cash.
It’s honestly fun taking a kid to a restaurant. Mine was 19 months old when the lockdowns hit in 2020, so we had a year and some change to make the occasional jaunt to a local eatery. It’s one of those things where you’re nervous but excited because your baby is taking their first steps towards being a person. Instead of sleeping in a stroller or strapped to a carrier, your little human gets to sit up and eat some real food with everyone else.
The problem is, again, the mess. Your kid is going to create a whole goddamn landfill under and on their booster seat. Even if they’re quiet, well-behaved, and enjoying brunch with the enthusiasm of someone living in a world where Hillary won, they’re still going to drop egg crumbles and orange rinds or suddenly forget how straws work. Toddlers are gonna be toddlers, but the amount of mess is kinda embarrassing.
As ex-service industry workers, my wife and I were acutely aware of the burden this put on the staff. So we would ask for extra napkins, and when the check came, one of us paid, and one of us did a quick spot-clean under the baby’s chair. Then, on top of the tip on the bill, an extra $10 cash tucked under the ketchup bottle or sugar packet bowl or whatever. It was an idea we picked up from some other BLW parent on a forum, and it made us feel a lot better about bringing our volatile little banshee into an environment where everyone on the clock is overworked and underpaid.
Do you have to do this? No. But it’s a kind thing, and kind things are good. Maybe your kid will notice and grow up to be a kind person. One who eats more foods than French fries.
Chris Corlew is probably eating French fries right now, that rank hypocrite. Follow him on Twitter for more thoughts on food and/or fatherhood.
Top image: pxhere