Ruins actually started as a What If issue spoofing Marvels, but then Marvel realized they could make more money by stretching it into 80 pages and giving it the fancy graphic novel treatment. The story (which definitely didn’t need 80 pages) follows an alternate version of Marvels‘ protagonist, journalist Phil Sheldon, as he goes around the country investigating bizarre cases like the scientist who was hit by a gamma bomb and turned into a big, green … mass of cancerous tumors, which immediately exploded, killing him.
In this reality, Peter Parker got a painful rash all over his body from the spider bite, the Fantastic Four died horribly when their rocket crashed down on Earth, and Ghost Rider simply dies after setting his head on fire instead of looking badass. But they got off easy compared to the X-Men: Cyclops had his eyes carved out after incinerating his family with his optic beams, Magneto got crushed by metal objects (including a full airplane) because he couldn’t control his powers, and Wolverine’s flesh is falling off because you can’t just lace someone’s bones with metal, come on. Oh, and here’s Mystique after her brain imploded from shapeshifting too much:
Meanwhile, the Avengers are a group of secessionists who get blown up in their Quinjet by the government and Thor is a mentally ill pagan cultist holding on to a regular household hammer. At one point, Sheldon tries to interview government agent Nick Fury about these cases, but Fury confesses to being a cannibal, kills a random street prostitute, and shoots his brains off in front of the journalist. Oh, and the prostitute was Jean Grey, who was either too old or not old enough for Fury. Not sure we want to know which one.
Sheldon gathers all of his research and prepares to write it all down in a book called Marvels (we’re assuming the name is sarcastic). But, just as he’s heading home to start writing, he collapses from the radioactive spider virus he caught from his colleague Peter Parker and dies on the street as his evidence flies off in the wind. Yes, as if this comic wasn’t depressing enough, it ends with a reminder of what happens when you don’t socially distance and wash your hands. Hey, thanks for that, 1995 Marvel.
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Top image: Marvel Comics