A Bunch Of Spooky-Ass New Orleans Shit

New Orleans is the perfect town for someone like Nicolas Cage. It’s one of the few places in the country where we actively invite insane behavior. Hell, it’s not just welcomed; it’s celebrated. So when you have a place like that that has an ancient house that’s supposed to be haunted as hell, you know Cage has got to get the keys.

1140 Royal Street, New Orleans.

Reading Tom

It’s filled with the screams of the tortured dead. And offers a great view of Jackson Square!

The LaLaurie House is infamous for the actions of its horrific owner, Madame Delphine LaLaurie, and her awful treatment of the slaves she kept there. Famous for being super goddamn haunted, it must have caught Cage’s eye as he flipped through Shit, Man, You’re Rich as Hell, And We’ve Got Crazy Messed Up Stuff In Here To Sell If You Want To Take A Look Quarterly. He took a look and had to have the property, stating: “You know, other people have beachfront property; I have ghost front property – that’s what I always say. I have not experienced anything, but I like a bit of mystery, and the house has such a mystery to it. Some of the stories about it are pretty horrific.”

Naturally, the state took that shit from Cage when he lost all of his money, but there is one other weird New Orleans treasure of his they can’t get their hands on: his custom tomb

Nicolas Cage's New Orleans tomb

Ryan Menezes

Honestly, it’s more tasteful than I would have pictured.

What? You thought Cage would be buried like you poor idiots? Get real. I’m just more curious about what’s on the inside of that bad boy and excited for a future where thousands of years from now, archaeologists are trying to break into this thing like the Pyramids to learn more about society, only to eventually get in and find a coked-out zombie in the corner and the jacket from Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance. True, genuine artifacts that must be protected at all costs.