The Manliness Industry Has Become Stupidly Huge
Fellas, if you’re like me, you start your day with a cup of Black Rifle’s Freedom Fuel, one of many coffee blends with a gun on the bag so everyone knows you’re not an effete roommate from a ‘90s sitcom just because you care about how your joe is made. Then you hop online to shop for tactical wallets, watches, and baby gear, because dropping 170 bucks on a camouflage diaper bag with a “God, Guns & Diapers” patch is worth it to let other dads know you’re the dominant alpha male at the teddy bears’ picnic.
Next, of course, you’ll grab some Powerful Oatmeal because it has a bull on the package, then settle down to watch an informational YouTube video like “America Needs More Manliness” and “Why are So Many Men Psychologically Infantile?” Finally, you can end your penis-oriented day with a nice cup of herbal tea (but the kind made for men) and a book like Becoming a King: The Path to Restoring the Heart of a Man or The Five Marks of a Man: Finding Your Path to Courageous Manhood.
Products have targeted men for as long as advertising’s existed. In the ’20s, deodorant ads told women it was a necessity but only informed men it was an option, because not smelling like a flop house could be seen as “feminine” and “sissified.” Making yogurt and grooming products look manly was important in getting men to buy them at all. Somewhere in ancient Ur, a market stall owner probably told some gangly dork that he’d look tougher with a leather bracelet.
Changing a diaper isn’t any fun unless you have a very specific fetish, so if pretending you’re a SEAL helps then go for it. I own far too many sports jerseys to judge how men spend their money. But not only are we in a manliness boom, the products are telling you how to look at the world in a way that trucks and blue jeans never quite did.
Think Today Was Crazy?
Wait ’til you hear about the moments in history you missed! Get a new story sent directly to your inbox every day! No ads, no videos, just your daily shot of Cracked. Sign up now!
That Industry Promotes A Very Specific Worldview
The good people at Active Doodie say you need one of their diaper bags because holding a normal one will be even more humiliating than holding your wife’s purse. Shit! You can also grab their “DeSantis 2024: For Freedom” shirt, because it’s never too early to campaign for a governor who encouraged states won by Biden to dispute the election, and who responded to a COVID spike by withholding funding from schools that implemented mask mandates.
The models at Tactical Baby Gear are sporting molon labe (“come and take them”) patches on their diaper bags, because why even have children if you can’t tell the changing room your stance on the Second Amendment? They’re also wearing patriotic apparel, which is another huge business; wander around a red state and you’ll see “I Stand for the National Anthem” and “America: Love it or Get the Hell Out” shirts. The latter’s product description says “we believe in the voice of the people and the freedom to speak out against what we disagree with,” because patriotism and irony aren’t on speaking terms. Multiple reviews brag they “piss snowflakes off.”
